This Parade reminds me of the time KU won the championship and their triumphal return to Lawrence.
"Buckingham Palace has become the People's Palace" lol #thingsannouncerssay...Allen Fieldhouse is the People's Palace
I like all the capes
Friday, April 29, 2011
I bet Prince Bill is going to be late
Is the best man Prince Ted?
Is that Elton John on the Organ???
No dancing down the aisle? How do they ever hope to make this wedding a youtube sensation? The Royals are soo out of touch...
This doesn't sound like the King James version....
The Arch-Bishop could use some JustForMen
I think they based this on the Princess Bride.
I'm sure Elvis is looking down with pride.
I hope someone is repping a KU hat.
I'm surprised they got married on casualfriday.
I think i see SLUGGER in attendance! (for those non-sports fans, he is the mascot of the Kansas City Royals)
Sources say that Rev Joseph Lowery (of Obama's inauguration) will give the final benediction
The ending is kinda like the last scene of Star Wars: A New Hope....Prince Harry is kinda like Chewbacca
Is the best man Prince Ted?
Is that Elton John on the Organ???
No dancing down the aisle? How do they ever hope to make this wedding a youtube sensation? The Royals are soo out of touch...
This doesn't sound like the King James version....
The Arch-Bishop could use some JustForMen
I think they based this on the Princess Bride.
I'm sure Elvis is looking down with pride.
I hope someone is repping a KU hat.
I'm surprised they got married on casualfriday.
I think i see SLUGGER in attendance! (for those non-sports fans, he is the mascot of the Kansas City Royals)
Sources say that Rev Joseph Lowery (of Obama's inauguration) will give the final benediction
The ending is kinda like the last scene of Star Wars: A New Hope....Prince Harry is kinda like Chewbacca
Glimpses of Princes
5:20--Woke up to the sound of trumpets in my head.
5:28--I've got a hankering for sausage #breakfast
5:32==There are some really tight shoulder epaulets at Westminster Abbey
5:40--Prince Chaz is on his way
5:43--It must be a special occassion--Camilla and Charles appear to have visited the dentist last week!
Prince Chaz has a weak handshake
There's just a wreck of pageantry!! Prince Chaz has 9 badges of merit! That's even more than Andrew WK!
The Crown Prince of Swaziland is here.
Here comes the Queeen! I hope she sings Bohemian Rhapsody at the reception.
I hope Prince Bill comes on a Royal Segway...that would show he's a 21st Century Prince.
The Queen kinda looks like the bumble bee lady from Blind Mellon No Rain video
There's even more pageantry than a miss america contest!
And it's Waitee Katiee! Soon to be Her Royal Waitress!
They have midget bridesmaids!! Oh wait, they're just kids.
More coming soon...
5:28--I've got a hankering for sausage #breakfast
5:32==There are some really tight shoulder epaulets at Westminster Abbey
5:40--Prince Chaz is on his way
5:43--It must be a special occassion--Camilla and Charles appear to have visited the dentist last week!
Prince Chaz has a weak handshake
There's just a wreck of pageantry!! Prince Chaz has 9 badges of merit! That's even more than Andrew WK!
The Crown Prince of Swaziland is here.
Here comes the Queeen! I hope she sings Bohemian Rhapsody at the reception.
I hope Prince Bill comes on a Royal Segway...that would show he's a 21st Century Prince.
The Queen kinda looks like the bumble bee lady from Blind Mellon No Rain video
There's even more pageantry than a miss america contest!
And it's Waitee Katiee! Soon to be Her Royal Waitress!
They have midget bridesmaids!! Oh wait, they're just kids.
More coming soon...
Sunday, April 10, 2011
The Hunchback of Mantua--A Review Of Verdi's Rigoletto
Given my tendency to move every 6 months, I tend to lose things, but so far I've kept my mind (though others may disagree lol). For this reason, I think that memories make better gifts than objects, so for Christmas last year I arranged a trip to the New York Metropolitan Opera for @alison. Since I'm classy, we took the train and stayed at a hotel next to Madison Square Garden (where I thought they'd have a good farmers market on Saturday morning!)
The train ride was tight, but the hotel left a bit to be desired. But, we didn't spent much time at the hotel, since we had an Opera to attend! This was my first time at the Met, and I can confirm that the chandeliers (sp?) rule. They're huge, intricate, and provide just the right lighting. They're on my home wish list (though I'd rather have a big screen tv...hint hint). There's also good people watching at the Met, and the women wear so much fur that its like a trip to the Natural History Museum at the same time! That's what I call a New York value!
So we get to our seats, the chandeliers dim, and the subtitles appear on the screens (the libretto is Italian, obvi). Rigelleto gets off to an awesome start. The first scene is at a ball hosted by the Duke of Mantua--the scene kinda reminded me of an 80s night at a happenin' club, cause there were just a wreck of people wearing goofy outfits drinking, dancing, and generally having a good time. But then the Duke comes out, and I think he's a bit insecure, because all he talks about is how he woos every non-dude in his dukedom. His first song is Questa o Quella, which means "this chick or that, they're all the same to me, and I want them all". The other noblemen aren't too keen on the Duke's philandering, but they don't really do anything about it. Now, I didn't think the duke was a great dancer, so my advice to the noblemen would be to get onstage and boogie, but they didn't have any confidence, so they let the Duke woo their wives.
The noblemen resent the duke for his suaveness, so they don't take too kindly to the titular Rigoletto, who is the hunchbacked court jester. Rigeletto's job is to hang out at parties and be amusing (kinda like me, except much less suave and jovial, and more biting and bitter). Rigoletto provides amusing commentary on the Duke's succesful attempts to mack on the Countess of Monterone, much to the chagrin of the Count of Monterone. The Count tells Rigoletto to shut it, which prompts Rigeletto to make some "your mamma" style jokes at the Count's expense. Rigoletto then convinces the Duke to arrest the Count, prompting the count to put a curse of Rigoletto.
All this drama puts a damper on the party, so Rigoletto makes moves home. On his way, he gets kinda freaked out about this curse, but what'er you gonna do? On his way home he bumps into some assassin named Sparafucile, which is a tight name for an assassin. They chit chat for a while, and then Rigoletto finally gets home.
The town knows Rigoletto as a hunchbacked dwark jester with an acid tongue, but he's also a loving and protective father--so protective, in fact, that no one knows that he has a daughter Gilda. The story takes place in the 16th centure, before Mendel invented genetics, so Rigoletto's daughter is quite the babe. She and Rigoletto are quite close, as the mother died some time ago, but Rigoletto is pretty extreme and doesn't let Gilda leave, except to go to Church. Gilda is in her late teens, and she's getting pretty antsy to escape her house (keep in mind, this is before the internet, so there's really nothing to do).
So Gilda's only outlet is at Church, where she develops a crush on a "student", who is actually the Duke out cruising for chicks (apparently Church back then was like band class in a contemporary high school--the place to meet sheltered chicks). As we know, the Duke is a bit of a creeper, and hangs around outside Gilda's window (he doesn't know that she's Rigoletto's daughter). When he hears Gilda confessing to her nurse that she loves a student, the Duke rolls up to the window and says that he loves Gilda too. They sing about this for a while, which is a bit boring.
Meanwhile, Rigoletto has gone out for some errands, probably to get aspirin for his back or something. While he's out, some noblemen come to his house seeking payback for all the smacktalking Rigoletto does as court jester. They notice Gilda in the house, but they think she's Rigoletto's mistress. They want to kidnap her, but as they're preparing their latter to the window, Rigoletto comes back. This next part doesn't really make any sense to me, but they somehow convince Rigoletto that they're kindapping some annoying countess and want his help, but that for some reason he needs to put on a blindfold to do the job. This doesn't make a bit of sense (why would a blindfold help with the kidnapping), but Rigoletto is a dipass and puts on the blindfold--the noblemen then kidnap Gilda and take her to the Duke's house.
At first Gilda is scared that she's being kidnapped, but when they take her to the Duke's bachelor pad, it's like she won the lottery. She discovers that her crush is not a poor student, but actually the Duke, and she didn't even have to write him an embarrassing note or otherwise ask him out. Score! The Duke is pretty pleased too, because he gets to "hang out" with Gilda and he won't even need to go to Church and pretend to be a poor student anymore. Everyone's happy, except Rigoletto.
So Gilda and the Duke spend the night together, but in the morning Rigoletto has gotten wise to the situation and comes to the palace demanding his daughter. The Duke doesn't particularly feel like making her breakfast, so he lets Rigoletto reclaim Gilda. Rigoletto is rightous pissed, and takes Gilda and leaves town. On their way out, he runs into Sparafucile, who happens to own an inn on the road from the palace. Rigoletto knows that the Duke will probably be out galavanting that night, so he pays Sparacule to lure the Duke to the inn, and then kill him. Sparafucile agrees--apparently his sister is quite the looker, so he has her woo the Duke.
So Sparafucile's sister gets the Duke back to the Inn. Sparafucile is about to kill the Duke, but then he and his sister have a pow-wow. The sister fancies the Duke, and suggests that Sparafucile just kills the next person who comes to the inn, and pass that body off as the Duke. Sparafucile doesn't want to argue, so he says that if someone else comes by before midnight, then he'll just kill that person. Gilda overhears this conversation and, even though she knows the Duke is hooking up with someone else, she still fancies him. So, she decides to sacrifice herself for the Duke, and so she knocks on the door. Sparafucile and his sister kill Gilda.
Rigoletto comes back later to collect the body of the Duke. Sparafucile gives him a body in a bag, but Rigoletto wants to confirm that it is the Duke's body. He opens it up and sees that Sparafucile took his money to kill his daughter. Rigoletto then remembers the curse of the Count of Monterone.
This is one screwed up Opera, but I guess a lot of tragedy is pretty crazy. It's weird because it starts off pretty funny, with the Duke's hijinks, Rigoletto's smacktalking, all at the expense of some lame noblemen. But it turns really dark at the end. The music is pretty good too. Overall I give it a B+.
The train ride was tight, but the hotel left a bit to be desired. But, we didn't spent much time at the hotel, since we had an Opera to attend! This was my first time at the Met, and I can confirm that the chandeliers (sp?) rule. They're huge, intricate, and provide just the right lighting. They're on my home wish list (though I'd rather have a big screen tv...hint hint). There's also good people watching at the Met, and the women wear so much fur that its like a trip to the Natural History Museum at the same time! That's what I call a New York value!
So we get to our seats, the chandeliers dim, and the subtitles appear on the screens (the libretto is Italian, obvi). Rigelleto gets off to an awesome start. The first scene is at a ball hosted by the Duke of Mantua--the scene kinda reminded me of an 80s night at a happenin' club, cause there were just a wreck of people wearing goofy outfits drinking, dancing, and generally having a good time. But then the Duke comes out, and I think he's a bit insecure, because all he talks about is how he woos every non-dude in his dukedom. His first song is Questa o Quella, which means "this chick or that, they're all the same to me, and I want them all". The other noblemen aren't too keen on the Duke's philandering, but they don't really do anything about it. Now, I didn't think the duke was a great dancer, so my advice to the noblemen would be to get onstage and boogie, but they didn't have any confidence, so they let the Duke woo their wives.
The noblemen resent the duke for his suaveness, so they don't take too kindly to the titular Rigoletto, who is the hunchbacked court jester. Rigeletto's job is to hang out at parties and be amusing (kinda like me, except much less suave and jovial, and more biting and bitter). Rigoletto provides amusing commentary on the Duke's succesful attempts to mack on the Countess of Monterone, much to the chagrin of the Count of Monterone. The Count tells Rigoletto to shut it, which prompts Rigeletto to make some "your mamma" style jokes at the Count's expense. Rigoletto then convinces the Duke to arrest the Count, prompting the count to put a curse of Rigoletto.
All this drama puts a damper on the party, so Rigoletto makes moves home. On his way, he gets kinda freaked out about this curse, but what'er you gonna do? On his way home he bumps into some assassin named Sparafucile, which is a tight name for an assassin. They chit chat for a while, and then Rigoletto finally gets home.
The town knows Rigoletto as a hunchbacked dwark jester with an acid tongue, but he's also a loving and protective father--so protective, in fact, that no one knows that he has a daughter Gilda. The story takes place in the 16th centure, before Mendel invented genetics, so Rigoletto's daughter is quite the babe. She and Rigoletto are quite close, as the mother died some time ago, but Rigoletto is pretty extreme and doesn't let Gilda leave, except to go to Church. Gilda is in her late teens, and she's getting pretty antsy to escape her house (keep in mind, this is before the internet, so there's really nothing to do).
So Gilda's only outlet is at Church, where she develops a crush on a "student", who is actually the Duke out cruising for chicks (apparently Church back then was like band class in a contemporary high school--the place to meet sheltered chicks). As we know, the Duke is a bit of a creeper, and hangs around outside Gilda's window (he doesn't know that she's Rigoletto's daughter). When he hears Gilda confessing to her nurse that she loves a student, the Duke rolls up to the window and says that he loves Gilda too. They sing about this for a while, which is a bit boring.
Meanwhile, Rigoletto has gone out for some errands, probably to get aspirin for his back or something. While he's out, some noblemen come to his house seeking payback for all the smacktalking Rigoletto does as court jester. They notice Gilda in the house, but they think she's Rigoletto's mistress. They want to kidnap her, but as they're preparing their latter to the window, Rigoletto comes back. This next part doesn't really make any sense to me, but they somehow convince Rigoletto that they're kindapping some annoying countess and want his help, but that for some reason he needs to put on a blindfold to do the job. This doesn't make a bit of sense (why would a blindfold help with the kidnapping), but Rigoletto is a dipass and puts on the blindfold--the noblemen then kidnap Gilda and take her to the Duke's house.
At first Gilda is scared that she's being kidnapped, but when they take her to the Duke's bachelor pad, it's like she won the lottery. She discovers that her crush is not a poor student, but actually the Duke, and she didn't even have to write him an embarrassing note or otherwise ask him out. Score! The Duke is pretty pleased too, because he gets to "hang out" with Gilda and he won't even need to go to Church and pretend to be a poor student anymore. Everyone's happy, except Rigoletto.
So Gilda and the Duke spend the night together, but in the morning Rigoletto has gotten wise to the situation and comes to the palace demanding his daughter. The Duke doesn't particularly feel like making her breakfast, so he lets Rigoletto reclaim Gilda. Rigoletto is rightous pissed, and takes Gilda and leaves town. On their way out, he runs into Sparafucile, who happens to own an inn on the road from the palace. Rigoletto knows that the Duke will probably be out galavanting that night, so he pays Sparacule to lure the Duke to the inn, and then kill him. Sparafucile agrees--apparently his sister is quite the looker, so he has her woo the Duke.
So Sparafucile's sister gets the Duke back to the Inn. Sparafucile is about to kill the Duke, but then he and his sister have a pow-wow. The sister fancies the Duke, and suggests that Sparafucile just kills the next person who comes to the inn, and pass that body off as the Duke. Sparafucile doesn't want to argue, so he says that if someone else comes by before midnight, then he'll just kill that person. Gilda overhears this conversation and, even though she knows the Duke is hooking up with someone else, she still fancies him. So, she decides to sacrifice herself for the Duke, and so she knocks on the door. Sparafucile and his sister kill Gilda.
Rigoletto comes back later to collect the body of the Duke. Sparafucile gives him a body in a bag, but Rigoletto wants to confirm that it is the Duke's body. He opens it up and sees that Sparafucile took his money to kill his daughter. Rigoletto then remembers the curse of the Count of Monterone.
This is one screwed up Opera, but I guess a lot of tragedy is pretty crazy. It's weird because it starts off pretty funny, with the Duke's hijinks, Rigoletto's smacktalking, all at the expense of some lame noblemen. But it turns really dark at the end. The music is pretty good too. Overall I give it a B+.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
What Dreams May Come
Hey all you Robin Williams fans--I know you probably came to this blogpost as an accident after googling "Best Robin Williams besides Patch Adams," but like Dr. Christy Nielson, you'll be pleasantly surprised by what you find! Just like I often am when my eyes close and I drift off to sleep (which won't happen while you're reading this blog, lol!).
When @alison says "sleep tight", I interpret that to mean "have tight dreams", which is something I try to do every night. MY strategy is to read for a while and then think of cool stuff as I lay (sp?) in bed falling asleep. So, my last conscious thoughts usually involve ziplines, waterfalls, and burritos (i guess i think about these things all the time anyway, but I really concentrate on them at night :-) ).
I have varying degrees of success at controlling my dreams. Despite my persistant attempts to dream about cool things, I often have boring and/or scary dreams. I've dreampt (sp?) about work way too much (its like unpaid labor...call the union!). I've had a recurring scary dream in which bad guys are chasing me through a maze of underground tunnels (maybe they think i'm a mole!).
My "dream" dream is to fly like superman, but unfortunately this rarely happens. But, I often dream about flight-like activities, e.g., hang-gliding, skydiving, or jumping off a highdive. Last night I had an exhilarating dream in which I was in snorkling race. I was like a graceful manatee. I also dreamt that I was in a wingsuit over a beach, and had to land at the proper angle to avoid water burns. Obvi, i succeeded.
If you have bad dreams, I can suggest a few strategies for turning those nightmares into nighttights. First, indulge your senses, so that you're mind has a surplus of things to process. Before bed, you can light a scented candle, eat a burrito, and maybe take in a lazer light show. Try watching cool youtube videos or reading action-packed blogs (e.g., beinabarber). The goal is to overflow your mind with cool stuff so that it crowds out the scary things and gives you plenty of dream materials. Then, close your eyes, and viola! You'll "sleep tight".
When @alison says "sleep tight", I interpret that to mean "have tight dreams", which is something I try to do every night. MY strategy is to read for a while and then think of cool stuff as I lay (sp?) in bed falling asleep. So, my last conscious thoughts usually involve ziplines, waterfalls, and burritos (i guess i think about these things all the time anyway, but I really concentrate on them at night :-) ).
I have varying degrees of success at controlling my dreams. Despite my persistant attempts to dream about cool things, I often have boring and/or scary dreams. I've dreampt (sp?) about work way too much (its like unpaid labor...call the union!). I've had a recurring scary dream in which bad guys are chasing me through a maze of underground tunnels (maybe they think i'm a mole!).
My "dream" dream is to fly like superman, but unfortunately this rarely happens. But, I often dream about flight-like activities, e.g., hang-gliding, skydiving, or jumping off a highdive. Last night I had an exhilarating dream in which I was in snorkling race. I was like a graceful manatee. I also dreamt that I was in a wingsuit over a beach, and had to land at the proper angle to avoid water burns. Obvi, i succeeded.
If you have bad dreams, I can suggest a few strategies for turning those nightmares into nighttights. First, indulge your senses, so that you're mind has a surplus of things to process. Before bed, you can light a scented candle, eat a burrito, and maybe take in a lazer light show. Try watching cool youtube videos or reading action-packed blogs (e.g., beinabarber). The goal is to overflow your mind with cool stuff so that it crowds out the scary things and gives you plenty of dream materials. Then, close your eyes, and viola! You'll "sleep tight".
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Getting things from here to there!
I'm thinking about auditioning to be the Green Bay mascot, since I think i am the Packing King (or did COLONEL Ghaddafi [sp?] take that title already?). Since I moved out of my mom's (old) house in 2003, I think i've moved at least a baker's dozen times (too bad there was no baker to give me cookies each time lol). @alison and I are moving again on March 5th, and with all this packing, you might as well start calling me A-Pack instead of Amac!
Moving to lawrence for the first time was really tight, but it got off to a feathery start. Me, @sager, and @steve borrowed some guy's pick up truck to move our stuff from OP to the promised land. Since we didn't have a whole lot, I accepted a couch from one of my mom's friends. So, we load the stuff into the truck and we're getting on the main road, when CRASH BANG BOOM, everything falls from the back of the truck. So we move it all back into the truck and get on our way, but then when we're moving the couch into the house, I notice a bunch of feathers all matted on the bottom of the truck. Upon further investigation, we realize that the couch must've hit a bird when it fell off the truck (or maybe landed on one). I used to tell chicks that that couch had goose feather pillows...
The hassle of moving all that stuff made me realize its better to pack light and/or leave unwanted stuff at your old place [lol the pinecone and the Manor ; ) ] I used to just roll like a refugee--a twin mattress on the floor, some garbage bags of clothes, and a shadeless lamp. I moved from the A3 to the Pinecone with just one trip in my old car, with the mattress hanging out the trunk. Then I got an actual bed at the pinecone, but I don't remember how i moved that.
When I came to DC, I just left most of my stuff at the Cone. Your welcome, Bricker. That made for an easy move because i just had a suitcase. I bought a used bed when I moved into my first place in DC (actually falls church VA), and then bought a blogging chair from goodwill. It suited me fine in my windowless basement room, but then I started entertaining @alison, so I needed another place to sit to class it up. That's why I bought the rose-colored beanbag.
Moving to the Manor was pretty easy too because Jon brought most of the stuff...same with moving in with @alison, because she already had the essentials, e.g. pots and pans. But then when we moved, it really sucked, because we had to put things in boxes, label things, rent a truck, use elevators, etc. I figured, "meh, i'm the Pack-Man, I've done this a zillion times, it'll be easy"...but let me tell you something--packing's no walk in the park when you have to clear out the apt, put things in boxes, and move from the 8th floor to the 11th floor...and in two weeks we're doing it again...but luckily our new place is closer to Chipotle.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Lookin' Hip, or, Fashion Tips for the Modern Dude
Since Ion left ADF, there's been no clear winner of "Best Dressed in the Office (dude division)." I fancy myself a stylish dandy, but several non-dudes vociferously opposed my nomination for best dressed recognition. So, I hereby offer my fashion defense and, since "Tips for Living With a Non-Dude" has been my most popular post, I'll give some tips for other young men looking to turn heads.
First, a defintion: A stylish dandy is a dude who comfortably saunters in any environment with an aura of suaveness. Fashion is less about the clothes on your body then about the vibes you send. Whether I'm battling in the boardroom or dancing in the bar room, I always try to inspire others to think, "jiminny cricket, he looks tight".
As a general rule, it is important to ensure that others know what team is the best. This is why I try to incorporate a KU logo everyday. During the workweek, this means a KU hat on the Metro so that other riders know who is boss. Then, I prominately display the hat in my cubicle. On game days, it is important to wear a ku shirt. I typically pair the KU shirt with KU slippers, a KU windbreaker, and obviously a KU hat. I recently aquired a new accoutrement--its a ku lanyard that someone at my office gave me (i just learned that a laneyard is like a functional man-necklace).
In addition to a KU logo, I always try to incorporate a belt. I recommend a reversable belt so that you can keep things mixed up. I also recommend work pants of an ambigous color. This way you can wear them every day but switch your shoes so it looks like you have on different pants (the pants will look brown if you're wearing brown shoes, and black if you have black shoes). In terms of prep work, its important to keep it simple--just shave in the shower so you don't have to mess around with shaving cream, and keep your hair short so you don't have to use shampoo. Short hair is also key when you start to bald. Some people (e.g. @jon) think you need to lather up with moisterizer and essense of apricot skin cream, but that's really not necesarry if you're a badass.
My biggest fashion challenges are:
1) Keeping my shirt tucked in--it seems like whenever i get up from my desk, the back of my shirt becomes untucked. This is why it is important to always check yourself out in people's office windows, so that yo ucan catch this sort of thing. I'm working on inventing a button in the back, but until then, vigilence is the only solution.
2) Keeping soup and sauce off of my tie--the key here is to wear a tie that is the same color as your lunch. So, if you think you'll have guacomole, then wear a green tie, etc. Otherwise, just take off the tie at lunch.
3) Keeping away the wrinkles--I absolutely HATE ironing. I would rather wash nasty dishes than iron. It's boring, it's dangerous, and I'm awful at it. This is why its key to buy non-wrinkle shirts and put them in the dryer every morning.
Things have gotten a bit harder since the time I used a common pile of clothes, but if I can learn to be this suave, then anyone can...just follow the above tips!
First, a defintion: A stylish dandy is a dude who comfortably saunters in any environment with an aura of suaveness. Fashion is less about the clothes on your body then about the vibes you send. Whether I'm battling in the boardroom or dancing in the bar room, I always try to inspire others to think, "jiminny cricket, he looks tight".
As a general rule, it is important to ensure that others know what team is the best. This is why I try to incorporate a KU logo everyday. During the workweek, this means a KU hat on the Metro so that other riders know who is boss. Then, I prominately display the hat in my cubicle. On game days, it is important to wear a ku shirt. I typically pair the KU shirt with KU slippers, a KU windbreaker, and obviously a KU hat. I recently aquired a new accoutrement--its a ku lanyard that someone at my office gave me (i just learned that a laneyard is like a functional man-necklace).
In addition to a KU logo, I always try to incorporate a belt. I recommend a reversable belt so that you can keep things mixed up. I also recommend work pants of an ambigous color. This way you can wear them every day but switch your shoes so it looks like you have on different pants (the pants will look brown if you're wearing brown shoes, and black if you have black shoes). In terms of prep work, its important to keep it simple--just shave in the shower so you don't have to mess around with shaving cream, and keep your hair short so you don't have to use shampoo. Short hair is also key when you start to bald. Some people (e.g. @jon) think you need to lather up with moisterizer and essense of apricot skin cream, but that's really not necesarry if you're a badass.
My biggest fashion challenges are:
1) Keeping my shirt tucked in--it seems like whenever i get up from my desk, the back of my shirt becomes untucked. This is why it is important to always check yourself out in people's office windows, so that yo ucan catch this sort of thing. I'm working on inventing a button in the back, but until then, vigilence is the only solution.
2) Keeping soup and sauce off of my tie--the key here is to wear a tie that is the same color as your lunch. So, if you think you'll have guacomole, then wear a green tie, etc. Otherwise, just take off the tie at lunch.
3) Keeping away the wrinkles--I absolutely HATE ironing. I would rather wash nasty dishes than iron. It's boring, it's dangerous, and I'm awful at it. This is why its key to buy non-wrinkle shirts and put them in the dryer every morning.
Things have gotten a bit harder since the time I used a common pile of clothes, but if I can learn to be this suave, then anyone can...just follow the above tips!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Amac's Animal Kingdom
Even though I usually fall asleep around 10PM, I'm actually quite interested in consciousness. I think this is why I find animals so tight--they're these other beings that obviously perceive the world, yet we cannot ever really understand what they're thinking. That's why my main area of animal research is their level of intelligence--the other area of my animal research is their ferocity, since there's just something cool about honey badgers etc.
My favorite animals are obviously dogs and monkeys. My first dog was KC (RIP), who smelled pretty bad but was a sweetheart and was really good at finding jelly donuts at construction sites. I think that's why she lived to be 17. Our family got Mara when I was in 8th grade--she's really smart and good with people, though she likes to be #themostdominant around other dogs. Apparently there's some border collie that can recite shakespearian sonnets, but I think Mara could beat that dog at scrabble. Then there's Vita, our new dog, who likes to chase ping pong balls. Anyway, dogs have unique personalities and are obviously conscious.
Monkeys are my next favorite animal. There's a common misconception that gorillas, orangotangs, bonomobs, chimps, etc aren't monkeys. In fact, the definition of monkey is an animal that likes bananas and swinging through the trees. Nothing gets me going like a commercial with a dressed up monkey--Robotussin is like the only brand name thing I buy, and that's because they have that commercial with the monkey in the cold medicine aisle. Dunston Checks In is of course a great movie. The zoo has a really good orangotang exhibit, and the last time i was there i chatted up the zookeeper for like 20 minutes at the monkey house. The orangotangs each have unique personalities. One of them loves chewing and just goes through a wreck of bamboo each day. I hung out with this one for a while, and he chewed some stuff and tried to give it to me through the glass--that's like the monkey version of friending someone. Anyway, i'll probably post more about monkeys later.
Dolphins are suppossed to be pretty smart too, but i don't know much about them.
The other cool animal attribute is ferocity. When I was in college I learned that the honey badger is the world's most ferocious animal. This thing loves honey like @jennings loves viaka, and it will do anything to scwhangle it--even breaking into killer bee nests. What's more, the honey badger doesn't take crap from anything, even snakes! There's a video on youtube where it picks a fight with a cobra, gets bitten and passes out, then wakes up and eats the cobra. Google it.
Lions are pretty cool too. Like @milkins, they love sleeping and jumping. I prefer lions to tigers because a) Missouri is associated with tigers, and b) whenever I go to the zoo, the tiger just lays there, but the lions sometimes roar and/or jump from between the levels in their enclosure.
Anyway, i've grown weary with this post, but i'll be back for more later...maybe i'll discuss bears, pandas, and golden eagles.
My favorite animals are obviously dogs and monkeys. My first dog was KC (RIP), who smelled pretty bad but was a sweetheart and was really good at finding jelly donuts at construction sites. I think that's why she lived to be 17. Our family got Mara when I was in 8th grade--she's really smart and good with people, though she likes to be #themostdominant around other dogs. Apparently there's some border collie that can recite shakespearian sonnets, but I think Mara could beat that dog at scrabble. Then there's Vita, our new dog, who likes to chase ping pong balls. Anyway, dogs have unique personalities and are obviously conscious.
Monkeys are my next favorite animal. There's a common misconception that gorillas, orangotangs, bonomobs, chimps, etc aren't monkeys. In fact, the definition of monkey is an animal that likes bananas and swinging through the trees. Nothing gets me going like a commercial with a dressed up monkey--Robotussin is like the only brand name thing I buy, and that's because they have that commercial with the monkey in the cold medicine aisle. Dunston Checks In is of course a great movie. The zoo has a really good orangotang exhibit, and the last time i was there i chatted up the zookeeper for like 20 minutes at the monkey house. The orangotangs each have unique personalities. One of them loves chewing and just goes through a wreck of bamboo each day. I hung out with this one for a while, and he chewed some stuff and tried to give it to me through the glass--that's like the monkey version of friending someone. Anyway, i'll probably post more about monkeys later.
Dolphins are suppossed to be pretty smart too, but i don't know much about them.
The other cool animal attribute is ferocity. When I was in college I learned that the honey badger is the world's most ferocious animal. This thing loves honey like @jennings loves viaka, and it will do anything to scwhangle it--even breaking into killer bee nests. What's more, the honey badger doesn't take crap from anything, even snakes! There's a video on youtube where it picks a fight with a cobra, gets bitten and passes out, then wakes up and eats the cobra. Google it.
Lions are pretty cool too. Like @milkins, they love sleeping and jumping. I prefer lions to tigers because a) Missouri is associated with tigers, and b) whenever I go to the zoo, the tiger just lays there, but the lions sometimes roar and/or jump from between the levels in their enclosure.
Anyway, i've grown weary with this post, but i'll be back for more later...maybe i'll discuss bears, pandas, and golden eagles.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Wheelbarrels Full of Nerves: Daredevils in History
A few weeks ago I went to New York (post on Rigolleto coming soon!), and while there I went to an exhibit on BRAINS. I learned that there are just a wreck of nerves in the human brain. But I think some people have more nerves than others, and these are called DAREDEVILS. And they do cool stuff.
I fancy myself as pretty cool, and though I have a lot of synapses in my brain, I think i'm only average when it comes to nerves. I've done some brave stuff in my life--when I was a kid my friend @bobby and I used to jump across a raging gorge during rainstorms...well, it seemed that way, though when I went home last time and saw this gorge, it seemed like more of a drainage ditch. But it was still pretty tight.
But some dudes just go crazy with their feats of mental and physical fearlessness. I think one of the coolest things is when someone goes over niagara falls in a wheelbarrel. Sometimes when I was a kid, my sister and I would play EARTHQUAKE, where one would get in a cardboard box and the other would shake it really hard. I think this is probably like going over niagara falls in a wheelbarrel, but much dryer and safer. Can you imagine--its like a 1,000 foot drop in churning water?? Apparently some people have survived, though. Just like our space adventures, people first send animals over the falls. In 1827 a group of hotel owners put on a publicity stunt in which they bought a big old boat to send over the falls. They wanted to put "wild beasts of the forest, such as a panther" in the boat, but they ended up just putting in a buffalo, some bears, and a goose in the boat. Turns out the bears escaped before the falls, and the goose survived. Sorry, @jennings, but the buffalo gave his life to science.
In terms of people going over the falls, a bunch have tried and some of them survived. Presumably most of them stuffed their barrels full of pillows or something. Some guy names Karel Soucek survived a trip down the falls in a barrel, but then he tried to recreate it at the Housten Dome by falling into a water tank, but he missed the tank and got scwhangled. D'oh!
I think those people that walked on the wings of biplanes are pretty cool too. I don't really understand how they stayed up there--you'd think the wind pressure would knock them off the plane and into the wild blue yonder. Sometimes I like to stick my hand out the window of a fast moving car and ride the airwaves, and it seems like if my whole body was on top of the car, I'd be pushed away...and that's just going like 65 mph, much less going airplane speed. Never underestimate daredevils, though.
I think tightrope walking is cool too (is that why they call it TIGHT rope walking lol?). It just seems so scary. These hippies used to tightrope walk between trees on campus, which seemed hard, except they only fell like 3 feet. Imagine doing that above a cliff! Or niagara falls lol?.
Basejumping is cool too. There's a youtube video of a guy basejumping off of a church steeple that's like 235 feet high. That's intense. I sometimes like to recreate basejumps using army men and plastic bags...but i'm glad i'm not the army man! (though it'd be fun if I knew it would work)
Anyway, I think daredevils rule, even if i'm too scared to try these stunts. They're probably key to humanity's future, since it'll take a bundle of nerves to brave the scary stuff that'll probably happen when the sun explodes.
I fancy myself as pretty cool, and though I have a lot of synapses in my brain, I think i'm only average when it comes to nerves. I've done some brave stuff in my life--when I was a kid my friend @bobby and I used to jump across a raging gorge during rainstorms...well, it seemed that way, though when I went home last time and saw this gorge, it seemed like more of a drainage ditch. But it was still pretty tight.
But some dudes just go crazy with their feats of mental and physical fearlessness. I think one of the coolest things is when someone goes over niagara falls in a wheelbarrel. Sometimes when I was a kid, my sister and I would play EARTHQUAKE, where one would get in a cardboard box and the other would shake it really hard. I think this is probably like going over niagara falls in a wheelbarrel, but much dryer and safer. Can you imagine--its like a 1,000 foot drop in churning water?? Apparently some people have survived, though. Just like our space adventures, people first send animals over the falls. In 1827 a group of hotel owners put on a publicity stunt in which they bought a big old boat to send over the falls. They wanted to put "wild beasts of the forest, such as a panther" in the boat, but they ended up just putting in a buffalo, some bears, and a goose in the boat. Turns out the bears escaped before the falls, and the goose survived. Sorry, @jennings, but the buffalo gave his life to science.
In terms of people going over the falls, a bunch have tried and some of them survived. Presumably most of them stuffed their barrels full of pillows or something. Some guy names Karel Soucek survived a trip down the falls in a barrel, but then he tried to recreate it at the Housten Dome by falling into a water tank, but he missed the tank and got scwhangled. D'oh!
I think those people that walked on the wings of biplanes are pretty cool too. I don't really understand how they stayed up there--you'd think the wind pressure would knock them off the plane and into the wild blue yonder. Sometimes I like to stick my hand out the window of a fast moving car and ride the airwaves, and it seems like if my whole body was on top of the car, I'd be pushed away...and that's just going like 65 mph, much less going airplane speed. Never underestimate daredevils, though.
I think tightrope walking is cool too (is that why they call it TIGHT rope walking lol?). It just seems so scary. These hippies used to tightrope walk between trees on campus, which seemed hard, except they only fell like 3 feet. Imagine doing that above a cliff! Or niagara falls lol?.
Basejumping is cool too. There's a youtube video of a guy basejumping off of a church steeple that's like 235 feet high. That's intense. I sometimes like to recreate basejumps using army men and plastic bags...but i'm glad i'm not the army man! (though it'd be fun if I knew it would work)
Anyway, I think daredevils rule, even if i'm too scared to try these stunts. They're probably key to humanity's future, since it'll take a bundle of nerves to brave the scary stuff that'll probably happen when the sun explodes.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Thunderbolts and Lightening!
For my fans from high school, you may be thinking this post will be about my mutton chops, but imma save that topic for later (for my other fans--my chops were named Thunderbolts and Lightening). Actually, by popular demand Imma post about meteorology. Around 3PM today there was a red alert for Thundersnow, which has piqued my interest in Xtreme weather.
Many scientists debate the defination of Xtreme weather, especially whether it should include whirlpools, rouge waves, that big red spot on Jupitor, and other natural disturbances which, while cool, are unrelated to Earth's atmosphere. I like to embrace all things, but for purposes of this post imma confine myself to events associated with the jetstream.
Though i've been known to crouch down like a hunchback and run like the dickens when i'm outside in a thunderstorm (when you're my height, it's only prudent), I actually love thunderstorms, on the condition that i'm protected from the lightening (FACT: IT IS THE LIGHTENING, NOT THE THUNDER, THAT IS DANGEROUS). One time @Sagar and I went driving around Lawrence during a crazy storm and sagar kept screaming "The wrath of nature!". It was kinda scary at the time but tight in hindsight. Also, it was a fun scary like when you see a gross bug in an aquarium. But my fans are here for learning, not yarn-spinning (we'll see how they like my upcoming post on arts and crafts lol). Thunderstorms are caused when nature has decided its been too boring and should spice things up--that's why many cultures call thunderstorms the oregano of the gods.
Some thunderstorms are extra spicy, and these we call tornados. Tornados are tight (except the mile wide ones lol), especially because they spurred the invention of basements. In most houses the basement is the coolest room (especially when there's a ping pong table), and for this we can thank tornados.
One of the most unlikely types of weather is THUNDERSNOW. This phenomenon occurs when a disturbance in the stratosphere causes snowflakes to hit each other really hard. FACT: EVERY SNOWFLAKE IS UNIQUE. The best part about Thundersnow is that it usually cancels work, e.g. this afternoon. Also, I associate it with sledding, like the time last winter when the Kimmler and I slid down that hill on a blow up pool toy. KAWABUNGA!
Hurricanes are also kinda interesting, especially Hurricane Andrew. Overall, i like weather and hope there're some cool storms this year, but that no one gets hurt and everyone is entertained.
Many scientists debate the defination of Xtreme weather, especially whether it should include whirlpools, rouge waves, that big red spot on Jupitor, and other natural disturbances which, while cool, are unrelated to Earth's atmosphere. I like to embrace all things, but for purposes of this post imma confine myself to events associated with the jetstream.
Though i've been known to crouch down like a hunchback and run like the dickens when i'm outside in a thunderstorm (when you're my height, it's only prudent), I actually love thunderstorms, on the condition that i'm protected from the lightening (FACT: IT IS THE LIGHTENING, NOT THE THUNDER, THAT IS DANGEROUS). One time @Sagar and I went driving around Lawrence during a crazy storm and sagar kept screaming "The wrath of nature!". It was kinda scary at the time but tight in hindsight. Also, it was a fun scary like when you see a gross bug in an aquarium. But my fans are here for learning, not yarn-spinning (we'll see how they like my upcoming post on arts and crafts lol). Thunderstorms are caused when nature has decided its been too boring and should spice things up--that's why many cultures call thunderstorms the oregano of the gods.
Some thunderstorms are extra spicy, and these we call tornados. Tornados are tight (except the mile wide ones lol), especially because they spurred the invention of basements. In most houses the basement is the coolest room (especially when there's a ping pong table), and for this we can thank tornados.
One of the most unlikely types of weather is THUNDERSNOW. This phenomenon occurs when a disturbance in the stratosphere causes snowflakes to hit each other really hard. FACT: EVERY SNOWFLAKE IS UNIQUE. The best part about Thundersnow is that it usually cancels work, e.g. this afternoon. Also, I associate it with sledding, like the time last winter when the Kimmler and I slid down that hill on a blow up pool toy. KAWABUNGA!
Hurricanes are also kinda interesting, especially Hurricane Andrew. Overall, i like weather and hope there're some cool storms this year, but that no one gets hurt and everyone is entertained.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Tips for living with a non-dude
As my fans know, about 7 months ago I moved in with @alison, the most awesome person ever. But her awesomeness notwithstanding, it has been an adjustment living with a non-dude. Since I was 18, I've lived with just dudes (yes jon, that includes you lol). It was a great time. When I lived with Steve and Sagar, we used to play poker and have kick-offs (where Sagar and I would run around the house and practice karate kicks). Living with Milhouse and Torre taught me to fend off a semi feral cat, as well as plenty of germs. We also had awesome interior design (eg the Alf for President poster). Living with Jon and Mikey was tight because we had an extra room for all our stuff (mostly their trendy clothing). And the pinecone is legendary and a perfect habitat for dudes. After several moves in Arlington and a good spell at Dude Manor with Jon, I moved in with @alison, and i've learned a lot about civilization and non-dude living. Since even Milk will probably some day live with a chick, I think it's useful to pass on some of the lessons i've learned about harmonous inter-gender life.
1) Clothing, whether clean or dirty, must be kept seperately, preferably in some sort of enclosed space, such as a drawer. When i first moved in with @alison, I didn't have a dressor. I'd hang up my work shirts, but generally I could tell if something was clean or dirty by some sort of special sense (maybe smell, idk). Well, after a week of that system, Alison was having none of it. So, i bought an old dresser from Ion, my Romanian colleague. Now I keep my clean clothes in these drawers, and it helps me seperate things, like dark socks and underwear. Sorting clean clothes is a step, but it's not enough. It's maybe more important to hide dirty clothes. I used to have a little laundry basket that i kept for show, though mostly i just left laundry strewn about wily nily. Unfortunately this system did not contain odors. Alison has taught me that my odors are houdini-esque, meaning that they'll escape if uncontained. So, i bought something called a "hamper", which like a grill has a lid, but instead of cooking meat you put your dirty clothes in there. It makes it a bit harder to do laundry, since i have to lift the lid and move things in a pile to the washingmachine, but apparently it makes the apt smell better (idk, but whatevs). Oh yeah, and also, when doing laundry, it is important to clean out the lint from the dryer and to put in a dryer sheet.
2) Cleaning the dishes is also more complicated. After you clean them, you have to 1) Let them dry, and most importantly 2) Wring out the sponge. Sponges can soak in odors and germs, but even though they only cost a dollar, it is important that they last long. So now i always try to remember to squeeze it out. Also, only certain sponges are acceptable for non-stick pans. Speaking of non-stick pans, apparently you can't use silverware on these, but instead you must treat a special spoon in essense of apricot palm oil before you can put it in the non-stick pan. Even when you use the specially treated delicate non-stick pan ladle, you're suppossed to immediately wrap the non-stick pan in silk and softly sing lullabies to it. Only then will the non-stick pans retain their beauty and innocence.
3) Falling asleep with a twitter-machine on one's chest makes it so the bedroom isn't dark enough to sleep. It is important to turn off one's twitter-machine before going to sleep.
4) Even though everyone will eventually open all the cupboards anyway, it is important to close them after each use.
5) Towels are person-specific, and must be washed. These points are related, and really baffle me, but i've accepted them. To most dudes, it is illogical to care what towel to use unless it is decor.ated with a jayhawk or other cool mythical creature. I mean, one only uses the towel to dry off after a shower, so obvi it's clean, so who cares who uses it, and there's no need to wash it. Well, i'll tell you who cares--a non-dude. Even after a shower, a person can still transmit ickyness to a towel, so they need to be washed every few days, and should not be shared amongst roomates.
6) Shaving doesn't end when one's face is as smooth as joel's. In fact, shaving creates little whiskers that, like sand, get everywhere. The most obvious solution is to just wipe them onto the floor and kind of kick them around so they spread out, but non-dudes have a special sense for detecting stray whiskers (it's kind of like "smell" but a bit different). So, it is important that one follows shaving with a thorough wipe down of the sink, or else just shave in the shower.
7) Similar to whiskers, non-dudes are very sensitive about fingernails and toenails. I don't really understand why these things suddenly become gross just because they've been disconnected from my body (i mean, my hands aren't gross, even though they've got fingernails on them, but suddenly i trim those fingernails and all the sudden they're gross?). But anyway, it is important to trim your nails over a trash can, and to look for any escapees. And if you're like me and hate trimming your toenails (i can barely breath when i try to reach them lol), then you should sleep with socks on so as to protect your partner.
Well fans if you follow the above advice, you'll have an awesome relationship and only argue about what's for dinner (hint: not pizza if you've had it 2 nights in a row).
1) Clothing, whether clean or dirty, must be kept seperately, preferably in some sort of enclosed space, such as a drawer. When i first moved in with @alison, I didn't have a dressor. I'd hang up my work shirts, but generally I could tell if something was clean or dirty by some sort of special sense (maybe smell, idk). Well, after a week of that system, Alison was having none of it. So, i bought an old dresser from Ion, my Romanian colleague. Now I keep my clean clothes in these drawers, and it helps me seperate things, like dark socks and underwear. Sorting clean clothes is a step, but it's not enough. It's maybe more important to hide dirty clothes. I used to have a little laundry basket that i kept for show, though mostly i just left laundry strewn about wily nily. Unfortunately this system did not contain odors. Alison has taught me that my odors are houdini-esque, meaning that they'll escape if uncontained. So, i bought something called a "hamper", which like a grill has a lid, but instead of cooking meat you put your dirty clothes in there. It makes it a bit harder to do laundry, since i have to lift the lid and move things in a pile to the washingmachine, but apparently it makes the apt smell better (idk, but whatevs). Oh yeah, and also, when doing laundry, it is important to clean out the lint from the dryer and to put in a dryer sheet.
2) Cleaning the dishes is also more complicated. After you clean them, you have to 1) Let them dry, and most importantly 2) Wring out the sponge. Sponges can soak in odors and germs, but even though they only cost a dollar, it is important that they last long. So now i always try to remember to squeeze it out. Also, only certain sponges are acceptable for non-stick pans. Speaking of non-stick pans, apparently you can't use silverware on these, but instead you must treat a special spoon in essense of apricot palm oil before you can put it in the non-stick pan. Even when you use the specially treated delicate non-stick pan ladle, you're suppossed to immediately wrap the non-stick pan in silk and softly sing lullabies to it. Only then will the non-stick pans retain their beauty and innocence.
3) Falling asleep with a twitter-machine on one's chest makes it so the bedroom isn't dark enough to sleep. It is important to turn off one's twitter-machine before going to sleep.
4) Even though everyone will eventually open all the cupboards anyway, it is important to close them after each use.
5) Towels are person-specific, and must be washed. These points are related, and really baffle me, but i've accepted them. To most dudes, it is illogical to care what towel to use unless it is decor.ated with a jayhawk or other cool mythical creature. I mean, one only uses the towel to dry off after a shower, so obvi it's clean, so who cares who uses it, and there's no need to wash it. Well, i'll tell you who cares--a non-dude. Even after a shower, a person can still transmit ickyness to a towel, so they need to be washed every few days, and should not be shared amongst roomates.
6) Shaving doesn't end when one's face is as smooth as joel's. In fact, shaving creates little whiskers that, like sand, get everywhere. The most obvious solution is to just wipe them onto the floor and kind of kick them around so they spread out, but non-dudes have a special sense for detecting stray whiskers (it's kind of like "smell" but a bit different). So, it is important that one follows shaving with a thorough wipe down of the sink, or else just shave in the shower.
7) Similar to whiskers, non-dudes are very sensitive about fingernails and toenails. I don't really understand why these things suddenly become gross just because they've been disconnected from my body (i mean, my hands aren't gross, even though they've got fingernails on them, but suddenly i trim those fingernails and all the sudden they're gross?). But anyway, it is important to trim your nails over a trash can, and to look for any escapees. And if you're like me and hate trimming your toenails (i can barely breath when i try to reach them lol), then you should sleep with socks on so as to protect your partner.
Well fans if you follow the above advice, you'll have an awesome relationship and only argue about what's for dinner (hint: not pizza if you've had it 2 nights in a row).
Spoons, forks, sporks, and knives
It's sunday, so that means its google day. As my fans know, I promised to blog about the history of utensils. Though i majored in history, I must confess that i'm no expert on culinary evolution (though i do love to eat lol). Frankly, my promise of fork blogging was just something that popped into my head at the time. But I'm a man of my word.
Full disclosure: I'm an unabashed spoon partisan. Whereas most people consider the fork the "go-to" utensil (I really have no idea, but it seems that way. If any tech-savy fans want to start a poll, i'd be interested in the results), I myself favor the spoon. Assuming the Veil of Ignorance (Jown Rawls, A Theory of Justice, 1971), meaning that I had to go through life with just one utensil, I would definetly choose a spoon. A spoon is so much better at scooping than a fork, and I think I get fuller bites when spoon-fed. Some argue that a fork brings more cutting prowess to the table (so to speak, lol!), but I think the shear (lol) number of spoon-centric meals in my diet (e.g., kitchens of india, soup, rice bowls) outweighs any cutting advantage of the fork. Besides, I can eat a pancake with a spoon, but I can't eat cereal with a fork. QED.
So anyway, im actually pretty interested in how the spoon, fork, and knife combo became the norm. As my twitheads know, i'm all about questioning norms and analyzing the geneology of accepted patterns of behavior. Some may think that forks, knives, and spoons are just inevietable, objectively necesary eating accessories, but I say "au contraire Pierre!" (i often assume my imaginary intellectual sparring partners are named Pierre). Look at the land of China--they use chopsticks. Now i'll grant that there are probably a limited number of utensil shape options for a bipedal species such as our own (i mean, obvi a tentical-centric species would have little use for our knives), but if the popularity (well, i should probably just say common usage, since popularity is a meaningless concept when there's not much choice involved) of our three utensil norm was merely a matter of utility, then the spork would be on every dinner table (whew, what a sentence lol).
In prehistoric times, cavemen used spears to kill their food, so it was only natural to use little tiny spears to pick at their food when eating. In these little tiny spears we see the origin of both chopsticks and forks. With the invention of stew (a pre-cursur to chunky soup), our ancestors had to come up with a new mechanism for moving morsels to mouths. Many cavemen were content to just schwangle their stew straight from the bucket, but this method tended to create major spills and make their caveman beards start to smell. Thus, the cavewives created the first ladle by tying a wicker basket to a stick.
The tiny spear and wicker ladle combonation was dominant until the Iron Age, when humans learned how to weld. Scientists have discovered proto-forks in the city Ur. Most importantly, metalworking allowed humans to finally create a usable spoon. Whereas the whicker basket and stick combination was allright for wooly mammoth stew, it didn't work so well for the lighter stews poplular in warm mesopotamia, e.g, gespacho. There were several advances in ladle technology (e.g., using dried mud to fill the holes in the wicker basket), but it was the ancient Greeks who revolutionized the soup-to-mouth trip. Pythagorus discovered that if one filled a wicker basket with metal and let it sit, it would form a non-porourous depression that one could fill with stew (and later, soup and kitchens of india). This invention caught on, and soon the spoon became a staple at fashionable Athenien tables.
The Greeks also invented the fork as we know it. As I mentioned before, scientists have discovered proto-forks in mesopotamia. These forks were essentially little daggers welded together. The Greeks looked to their God Neptune, who wielded a trident. They decided this would be a good model for the table, so they made little tiny tridents, which soon accompanied the spoon as a go-to combination.
The Romans essentially copied the Greeks, though they spread the spoon and fork combo across the Mediterranian basin. They also loved spaghetti, which could only be eaten with a good spoon/fork combo.
During the middle ages, people often just used dried up breadcrusts to cut their food. Then during the Victorian age some British twit invented the salad fork, which is just reduntant.
So that's basically how our utensils came to be. I advocate wider use of the spork, but for now, i'll just be thankful to that unknown genius cavewoman who first tied a wicker basket to a stick. Otherwise, we might all be trying to eat our kitchens of india with little spears.
Full disclosure: I'm an unabashed spoon partisan. Whereas most people consider the fork the "go-to" utensil (I really have no idea, but it seems that way. If any tech-savy fans want to start a poll, i'd be interested in the results), I myself favor the spoon. Assuming the Veil of Ignorance (Jown Rawls, A Theory of Justice, 1971), meaning that I had to go through life with just one utensil, I would definetly choose a spoon. A spoon is so much better at scooping than a fork, and I think I get fuller bites when spoon-fed. Some argue that a fork brings more cutting prowess to the table (so to speak, lol!), but I think the shear (lol) number of spoon-centric meals in my diet (e.g., kitchens of india, soup, rice bowls) outweighs any cutting advantage of the fork. Besides, I can eat a pancake with a spoon, but I can't eat cereal with a fork. QED.
So anyway, im actually pretty interested in how the spoon, fork, and knife combo became the norm. As my twitheads know, i'm all about questioning norms and analyzing the geneology of accepted patterns of behavior. Some may think that forks, knives, and spoons are just inevietable, objectively necesary eating accessories, but I say "au contraire Pierre!" (i often assume my imaginary intellectual sparring partners are named Pierre). Look at the land of China--they use chopsticks. Now i'll grant that there are probably a limited number of utensil shape options for a bipedal species such as our own (i mean, obvi a tentical-centric species would have little use for our knives), but if the popularity (well, i should probably just say common usage, since popularity is a meaningless concept when there's not much choice involved) of our three utensil norm was merely a matter of utility, then the spork would be on every dinner table (whew, what a sentence lol).
In prehistoric times, cavemen used spears to kill their food, so it was only natural to use little tiny spears to pick at their food when eating. In these little tiny spears we see the origin of both chopsticks and forks. With the invention of stew (a pre-cursur to chunky soup), our ancestors had to come up with a new mechanism for moving morsels to mouths. Many cavemen were content to just schwangle their stew straight from the bucket, but this method tended to create major spills and make their caveman beards start to smell. Thus, the cavewives created the first ladle by tying a wicker basket to a stick.
The tiny spear and wicker ladle combonation was dominant until the Iron Age, when humans learned how to weld. Scientists have discovered proto-forks in the city Ur. Most importantly, metalworking allowed humans to finally create a usable spoon. Whereas the whicker basket and stick combination was allright for wooly mammoth stew, it didn't work so well for the lighter stews poplular in warm mesopotamia, e.g, gespacho. There were several advances in ladle technology (e.g., using dried mud to fill the holes in the wicker basket), but it was the ancient Greeks who revolutionized the soup-to-mouth trip. Pythagorus discovered that if one filled a wicker basket with metal and let it sit, it would form a non-porourous depression that one could fill with stew (and later, soup and kitchens of india). This invention caught on, and soon the spoon became a staple at fashionable Athenien tables.
The Greeks also invented the fork as we know it. As I mentioned before, scientists have discovered proto-forks in mesopotamia. These forks were essentially little daggers welded together. The Greeks looked to their God Neptune, who wielded a trident. They decided this would be a good model for the table, so they made little tiny tridents, which soon accompanied the spoon as a go-to combination.
The Romans essentially copied the Greeks, though they spread the spoon and fork combo across the Mediterranian basin. They also loved spaghetti, which could only be eaten with a good spoon/fork combo.
During the middle ages, people often just used dried up breadcrusts to cut their food. Then during the Victorian age some British twit invented the salad fork, which is just reduntant.
So that's basically how our utensils came to be. I advocate wider use of the spork, but for now, i'll just be thankful to that unknown genius cavewoman who first tied a wicker basket to a stick. Otherwise, we might all be trying to eat our kitchens of india with little spears.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Das Rheingold
Opera review is back! A few months ago @alison and I went to see a simulcast of the Met's production of Das Rheingold. I was a bit skeptical of seeing an opera at a movie theatre, but it turned out tight. Before I get into my plot summary and performance assessment, i've gotta comment about the orchestra and the staging. James Levine conducted the show, and this dude rules. He's got a huge fro, and he's really enthusiastic for an old guy. Apparently he's recovering from a heart attack, but you wouldn't know it from his wild gesticulation. The guys arms were wilder than a coopt up rooster escaped from his cage and on chasing a wacky worm. The stage was crazy too--it has this big lighted struccture that they turned into a river (the rheine obvi), valhalla, and cave underworld.
So the plot is basically about how this dwarf who makes a magical ring that eventually brings down the gods. The first scene starts under the river, where these three chicks are guarding the gold that lies underneath the rheine. They're just kicking it when this dwarf comes along and starts hitting on them. The scene is kind of like Louise's circa 2006, and the rheinmaidens are having none of it. So the dwarf gets pissed, renounces love, and steals their gold. Turns out, this is magical gold, and someone who recounces love can turn it into a ring and become powerful.
Since the dwarf has renounced love and schwangled the gold, he becomes super powerful and starts to rule the underground caves. Instead of being a cool king and giving burritos to his people, he turns into a real grade A jerk and makes all the other dwarves slave away in the mines. Eric Owens played the dwarf and did a good job expressing his bitterness over love and his lust for power and shiny things.
MEANWHILE...Woton, the king of the gods, is kind of a dipass and hired these two giants to build him a badass castle, but like many americans, he didn't have the money to pay the giants. So the giants make like CountryWide and come and demand payment. So Wotan offers them his sister-in-law, but this doesn't go over so well with his wife. So then he calls on Loge, who is this wacky fun loving guy that kinda reminds me of Puck. So Loge tells them about some tight ring he heard about in the underworld that apparently some dwarf preferred to love. The giants decide they'll take the ring as payment, but if they don't have it the next day, then they'll demand Freia (Wotan's sister in law).
So Woton and Loge go into the underworld and see Albrecht the dwarf being an asshole to the other dwarves. Apparently Albrecht wants to make a magical helmet that would make him invisible. Woton or Loge ( i forget) dares Albrecht to turn himself into a toad, and Albrecht is a dipass and goes for it. Woton then puts the toad into a jar and after some hijinks, schwangles the ring. Albrehct is pretty pissed, but couldn't really do anything besides put a curse on the ring. Woton doesn't really care about some dwarf curse, though, and gives the ring to the giants and then Woton and some other gods go into their new castle. Prumably Woton has a big tv in the castle.
Generally i liked this opera. The music was tight, though you've got to be in the right mood. Its not jovial like the italian operas i've seen. My biggest complain is that all the charactors are kind of dipasses, well, besides Loge, who is pretty tight. But I feel kinda bad for the Gods, because Woton seems pretty dumb. I mean, if you're the king of the gods, it seems like you could just tell the giants to suck it, or mint some god coins, or something. The whole plot is based on Woton trying to pay off the giants, and that just seems like a weird power dynamic. But, the music was good and if you're in the right frame of mind its a tight show. B+
So the plot is basically about how this dwarf who makes a magical ring that eventually brings down the gods. The first scene starts under the river, where these three chicks are guarding the gold that lies underneath the rheine. They're just kicking it when this dwarf comes along and starts hitting on them. The scene is kind of like Louise's circa 2006, and the rheinmaidens are having none of it. So the dwarf gets pissed, renounces love, and steals their gold. Turns out, this is magical gold, and someone who recounces love can turn it into a ring and become powerful.
Since the dwarf has renounced love and schwangled the gold, he becomes super powerful and starts to rule the underground caves. Instead of being a cool king and giving burritos to his people, he turns into a real grade A jerk and makes all the other dwarves slave away in the mines. Eric Owens played the dwarf and did a good job expressing his bitterness over love and his lust for power and shiny things.
MEANWHILE...Woton, the king of the gods, is kind of a dipass and hired these two giants to build him a badass castle, but like many americans, he didn't have the money to pay the giants. So the giants make like CountryWide and come and demand payment. So Wotan offers them his sister-in-law, but this doesn't go over so well with his wife. So then he calls on Loge, who is this wacky fun loving guy that kinda reminds me of Puck. So Loge tells them about some tight ring he heard about in the underworld that apparently some dwarf preferred to love. The giants decide they'll take the ring as payment, but if they don't have it the next day, then they'll demand Freia (Wotan's sister in law).
So Woton and Loge go into the underworld and see Albrecht the dwarf being an asshole to the other dwarves. Apparently Albrecht wants to make a magical helmet that would make him invisible. Woton or Loge ( i forget) dares Albrecht to turn himself into a toad, and Albrecht is a dipass and goes for it. Woton then puts the toad into a jar and after some hijinks, schwangles the ring. Albrehct is pretty pissed, but couldn't really do anything besides put a curse on the ring. Woton doesn't really care about some dwarf curse, though, and gives the ring to the giants and then Woton and some other gods go into their new castle. Prumably Woton has a big tv in the castle.
Generally i liked this opera. The music was tight, though you've got to be in the right mood. Its not jovial like the italian operas i've seen. My biggest complain is that all the charactors are kind of dipasses, well, besides Loge, who is pretty tight. But I feel kinda bad for the Gods, because Woton seems pretty dumb. I mean, if you're the king of the gods, it seems like you could just tell the giants to suck it, or mint some god coins, or something. The whole plot is based on Woton trying to pay off the giants, and that just seems like a weird power dynamic. But, the music was good and if you're in the right frame of mind its a tight show. B+
Amacimprovementchallenge
So as my twitheads know, i'm on the #amacimprovementchallenge. This began one night at the Manor when Jon, Stone, and I were making bets, and I said that I bet that I could beat jon in a mile by at least a minute. Also, i've put on about 40 pounds since college, and I need to get back into shape. So starting January 3, I've been trying to eat better and spent more time at jim's. I got off to a hot start and went to the gym twice in a day. The first week was pretty intense, and i was running about three times a week, up to 2 miles. I ran a mile in about 7:45, which is probably about 3 minutes faster than jon can run. But then, this week i've been kinda lazy and haven't gone to jims, except this morning. But i've still been a bit better about my eating habits. I've had salad with light dressing for lunch most days, and my awesome starfish @alison has been making delicious and healthy soups after work. So far I've lost 3 pounds so far and i'm obviously confdent about my upcoming race.
Bigfoot
I'm kinda weird (obvi lol) in that I am fascinated by strange things, but ultimately i'm pretty skeptical. I think it was Hume who said assertions of wacky things require extraordinary evidence...or something like that. So, it seems unlikely that there's a large undiscovered primate living in North America. I mean, someone would've found incontrovertable proof by now. And yet...its so kewl to read about Bigfoot stories. There was this sick MonsterQuest a while ago where they set up cameras in an extremely remote cabin in Alaska. Apparently the previous year, the owner came to the cabin and found that it had been ransaked, but a jar of honey was untouched, so obvi it wasn't a bear...so all signs point to Bigfoot. And apparently this guy kept cool things in his cabin (i bet he had some tight lion carvings or something) and didn't want some big half human primate schwangling them. So, he watched Home Alone and decided to set up some traps and leave a tarantula in the cabin (since according to evolution bigfoot would be afraid of spiders). One of these traps was a piece of wood with nails in it, and when he came back later to the cabin, there was some blood on the wood trap. So Monsterquest came and tested the blood, and they couldn't rule out something freaky. So the MonsterQuest people stayed the night, and they reported a lot of strange noises at night. I suppose they've got an incentive to make is seem scarier than it really was, but it still gave me goosebumps. But then I activated my prefrontal cortex, and figured that it was probably just a bear, honey jar not withstanding. But still, its a cool story. Anyway, sometimes when i'm bored i read bigfoot stories at the bigfoot field researchers organization (www.bfro.net). They've got a big archive.
The Barber of Seville
Some of you may wonder why this blog is called Beingabarger. Amac, you may ask, (or are you asking yourself?), you're not a barber, so how would you know if its tight? Well, if you're cultured, you'll know that I am referencing an awesome Opera, The Barber of Seville, by Gioachino Rossini.
The Barber of Seville was the first Opera I saw, and oh buddy it was tight. The Overture is real kewl, with an exciting, fast pace. It may give some listeners a hankering for beef, since the cattle industry appropriated it for their "Beef, its what's for dinner" campaign. It gave me a hankering for chipotle, but that may be non-unique. But anyway, the Overture rules and definetly sets the mood for this wacky story of barber-assisted love.
The first scene is basically about a rich Count trying to woo this young widow. Since he aint looking for no golddiggers, he pretends to be a poor student (besides, chicks dig students). But a wreck of other dudes are trying to court this newly eligible non-dude, so he turns to the wisest dude in Seville, Figaro the Barber. And Figaro doesn't disappoint. He advises the Count to get drunk and pretend to be a solder on orders to stay at the house. Some hijinks ensue, but the Count is able to get a letter to Rosina (the object of his desire). But she still thinks he is a poor student, and doesn't know he's the count.
The Count gives Figaro a bunch of money to thank him for the genius idea of acting like a drunk soldier. This prompts Figaro to sign the famous song about how being a barber is tight. The opera is in Italian, but after the show i went home to look it up and the translation is essentially "As the town barber, I get to do a bunch of cool stuff all the time. I'm pretty busy, but its okay because I just cut a wreck of hair and talk to people."
There are some more hijinks, but bascially Rosina is in love with the Count, but she thinks he's a poor student. So, having determined that she loves him for his dance moves and wit instead of his money, the count reveals his true identity and then they get married. Figaro is the witness to the wedding, and then they all sing about how everything rules.
I definetly give this opera an A. There are cool charactors eg a count and a barber, the music is tight, and everyone has a good time. Definetly recommend you go see it. Or at least watch the Bug Bunny version (though i can't vouch for the story line there).
The Barber of Seville was the first Opera I saw, and oh buddy it was tight. The Overture is real kewl, with an exciting, fast pace. It may give some listeners a hankering for beef, since the cattle industry appropriated it for their "Beef, its what's for dinner" campaign. It gave me a hankering for chipotle, but that may be non-unique. But anyway, the Overture rules and definetly sets the mood for this wacky story of barber-assisted love.
The first scene is basically about a rich Count trying to woo this young widow. Since he aint looking for no golddiggers, he pretends to be a poor student (besides, chicks dig students). But a wreck of other dudes are trying to court this newly eligible non-dude, so he turns to the wisest dude in Seville, Figaro the Barber. And Figaro doesn't disappoint. He advises the Count to get drunk and pretend to be a solder on orders to stay at the house. Some hijinks ensue, but the Count is able to get a letter to Rosina (the object of his desire). But she still thinks he is a poor student, and doesn't know he's the count.
The Count gives Figaro a bunch of money to thank him for the genius idea of acting like a drunk soldier. This prompts Figaro to sign the famous song about how being a barber is tight. The opera is in Italian, but after the show i went home to look it up and the translation is essentially "As the town barber, I get to do a bunch of cool stuff all the time. I'm pretty busy, but its okay because I just cut a wreck of hair and talk to people."
There are some more hijinks, but bascially Rosina is in love with the Count, but she thinks he's a poor student. So, having determined that she loves him for his dance moves and wit instead of his money, the count reveals his true identity and then they get married. Figaro is the witness to the wedding, and then they all sing about how everything rules.
I definetly give this opera an A. There are cool charactors eg a count and a barber, the music is tight, and everyone has a good time. Definetly recommend you go see it. Or at least watch the Bug Bunny version (though i can't vouch for the story line there).
Things imma blog about
Hey fans! Welcome to my blog! I love reading about cool stuff on the internet, e.g., nebula, bigfoot, and the evolution of utensils. So, in the spirit of John F. Kennedy's exhortation to give back to that which gives you opportunity, I have decided to give back to the Internet by starting my own blog. I intend to blog about awesome things, so that others may enjoy the internet as much as I do. My twitheads will probably recognize some of the themes, but I am hoping to expand on some of these ideas. I won't limit myself to any particular topics, but I do hope to relate Opera to the common man, kind of like how @jennings brings halloween movies to the masses. I'll also blog about the #amacimprovementchallenge, so keep checking for updates, and be the first to know how badly I beat @jon in our mile race. Expect posts about pumpkin pie, parachutes, and dancing as well.
Well, here goes!
Well, here goes!
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