The Four Seasons

As a sophisticated gentlemen, I was just singing the tune to Vivaldi's Four Seasons while I showered.  For me, Art equals inspiration (one cannot always know the path of that inspiration, but true Art will always beckon one to embark on a journey!), and the dueling violins sparked this blogpost about the seasons.  I've been reading a fair amount of offseason (so to speak lol) basketball and football power rankings, so I'll be ranking the seasons in order of tightness.  Here we go:

1. Fall is obviously the tightest season.  Football rules, jumping in leaves is fun, and  the weather is crisper than a well starched shirt.  Also, stores sell fresh pumpkin pies, it's good grilling weather, nature is just bursting with color, and everything generally rules.  Now, some may argue that fall brings the start of school, but that eventually goes away, and school can be fun too because the world is so full of interesting things--just don't take math classes and you'll be fine. Also, my birthday occurs in the fall, and that's always a good time.  Frankly, there's no down side to fall.  Even toward the end is tight because it means people don't give me as many strange looks when I sing christmas colonels.

2a Spring is the second best season.  Obviously March MAdness is sick, and spring also has St. Patrick's Day (hater's may hate, but it's my fav holiday).  Spring also means thunderstorms, and those are cool (unless I'm in an open field with no cover lol).  It's also nice to put my jacket away for the year--I don't particularly mind wearing a jacket (or even cold weather), but it's a nuisance to have to take it off when I go inside and then try to remember to bring it with me from place to place.  So, spring has that going for it.  Also golf.

2b. Winter is tied with spring for second best season--it depends on how you count March (if March is winter then winter is hands down better).  Now, a lot of n00bs will disagree and put winter last, so let me defend it.  First off, it's better to have cold weather than hot weather, since you can bundle up and be fine, whereas there's no relief from heat.  Second, winter has better holidays, e.g. superbowl sunday, new years, and christmas--that means both presents and time off work.  In fact, even if you don't take off work, everyone else does, which means that you don't really have to do anything at the office.  Moreover, there's always a chance for snowdays in winter.  Also, winter has one of the greatest sports times of the year (when football and college basketball overlap).  Also too, I can sing christmas colonels to my heart's content.

4. Summer is the worst season.  I like to focus on the positive, and there are some tight things about summer.  For example, it's the best time to go on waterslides and/or swim in the ocean.  For my young fans, it means that school is out.  Some of my best times have been during the summer (e.g. summer 05, from what I recall).  That said, there are some real downsides to summer.  Mostly, I hate the heat.  I usually take like 5 cold showers a day in the summer, and i'm still just physically uncomfortable most of the time.  OBviously air conditioning mitigates this, but even the AC is kind of annoying, what with all the noise and unnatural air streams.  Summer is also the dark ages of sports.  I've tried, but i just can't get in to baseball, so i'm stuck reading stupid off season football and basketball speculation.  Also, the heat sucks.

So, those are my definitive rankings of the seasons. Maybe my fans can help me decide between spring and winter for #2.

Cosi Fan Tutte, or, non-dudes are like that

What's good blog fans--An Evening at the Opera with Amac is back! I know everyone's probably dying to hear about the rest of the Ring cycle (since I reviewed the first one a while ago), but I haven't gotten around to seeing the rest of them. Maybe later. I'm actually a much bigger fan of the Buffa style than the Wagner stuff. And so, last night @alison and i saw Mozart's Cosi Fan Tutte, which is Italian for Non-dudes are like that.

The original version (premeired 1790 in Vienna if you didn't already know) was set in Naples in the late 18th century, but the production we saw was set in contemporary Washington DC. I was pleasantly surprised with this little twist. Going in, I would have thought the Naples setting would be tight, since you all know how I like archaic language and period costumes, plus I've been to Naples so I could lord over @alison and the people sitting next to us with my superior knowledge about that city. But, I think the contemporary setting actually enhanced the evening, for reasons I'll get in to l8r.

The basic plot is that these two dudes are bragging to their boss, Don Alfonso (what a tight name, btw), that their lady-friends would never cheat on them. Don Alfonso must've gone through some tough relationships, because he thinks all women are fickle and would switch to new dudes rather easily. So, Don Alfonso and the two main characters (I dn't remember their names-something Italian but neither had a name as cool as Don Alfonso, so I'll just call them Bill and Ted) place a bet, whereby Bill and Ted will pretend that they've been called off to war, then dress up like Albanians and try to woo each other's betrothed. Needless to say, hijinks ensue.

The best part of the opera is definetely when Bill and Ted first start wooing the ladies in their disguises. In the contemporary DC-area version, Bill and Ted are not supposed to be Albanians, but instead dress like Todd from Beavis and Butthead, and the ladies (we'll call them Erynn and Gerty) think they're from Adams Morgan. When the ladies rebuff their initial pick up lines, Bill and Ted play the whisker card: in the best song of the show, they sing about their mustaches, and how whiskers measure a man's virtue, strength, dexterity, and wit. It was a rousing number, and convinced me not to shave or trim for several days. You're welcome, @alison.

Like many women have done throughout history, Erynn and Gerty are unable to resist the mustaches, and decide to marry the disguised Bill and Ted. Don Alfonso hires their personal assistant (a maid in the original) to dress up like a lawyer and forge a marriage contract. Just as they sign the contract, Don Alsonso "gets word" that Bill and Ted are coming home from the war a bit early. Erynn and Gerty tell the disguised Bill and Ted to go hide...so they go to another room and then come out of their disguises and everyone laughs out loud at the confusion. Though they were initially mad at the girls for so quickly marrying 2 dudes from Adams Morgan, they just decide to sing "Cosi Fan Tutte" (women are like that lol).

Overall it was a fun opera. The music had a lot of dueling woodwinds (reminded me of mornings at the pinecone...dueling winds lol), and the guy who played Don Alfonso was pretty funny. I also liked the dynamic w/ the two guys--I imagine this opera was an influence for later two-guy duos such as Beavis and Butthead, Bill and Ted, and Wayne and Garth. It's a good show, especiallyif you like mustaches.

T-Rob, Lord of Hoops and King of Dunks

What's good blog fans, sorry for the delays. I've been pretty busy with retirement, wedding planning (yeahbuddy) then coming out of retirement, etc. But this morning on the treadmill, I had my greatest inspiration since October (when I was inspired to sing Bear Necesseties (sp?) at the Jazzhous lol). I was listening to Handel's Messiah when I realized that, with a few slight adjustments, the lyrics could be about Thomas Robinson--his promise as a recruit, his glorious arrival, his trials on the bench for foul trouble, and a prophesy that he will ultimately lead the Jayhawks to a national title. Behold, I give you: Thomas Robinson, Lord of Hoops and King of Dunks:

Handel's Messiah Comfort ye, comfort ye my people, saith your God. Speak ye comfortably to Jerusalem, and cry untoher, that her warfare is accomplished, that her iniquity is pardoned. The voice of him that crieth in the wilderness; prepare ye the way of the Lord; make straight in the desert a highway for our God. Ev'ry valley shall be exalted, and ev'ry moutain and hill made low; the crooked straight and the rough places plain. And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together: for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it. Thus saith the Lord, the Lord of hosts: Yet once a little while and I will shake the heavens and the earth, the sea and the dry land. And I will shake all nations; and the desire of all nations shall come. The Lord, whom ye seek, shall suddenly come to His temple, even the messenger of the Covenant, whom you delight in; behold, He shall come, saith the Lord of hosts. But who may abide the day of His coming, and who shall stand when He appeareth? For He is like a refiner's fire. And He shall purify the sons of Levi, that they may offer unto the Lord an offering in righteousness. Behold, a virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call His name Emmanuel, God with us. O thou that tellest good tidings to Zion, get thee up into the high mountain. O thou that tellest good tidings to Jerusalem, lift up thy voice with strength; lift it up, be not afraid; say unto the cities of Judah, behold your g od! Arise, shine, for thy light is come, and the glory of the Lord is risen upon thee. For behold, darkness shall cover the earth, and gross darkness the people; but the Lord shall arise upon thee, and His glory shall be seen upon thee. And the Gentiles shall come to thy light, and kings to the brightness of thy rising. The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light; and they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined. For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given, and the government shall be upon His shoulder; and His name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, the mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace. There were shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flocks by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them, and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them: "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord." And suddenly there was with the angel, a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying: "Glory to God in the highest, and peace on earth, good will towards men." Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion; shout, O daughter of Jerusalem! Behold, thy King cometh unto thee; He is the righteous Saviour, and He shall speak peace unto the heathen. Then shall the eyes of the blind be opened, and the ears of the deaf unstopped. Then shall the lame man leap as an hart, and the tongue of the dumb shall sing. He shall feed His flock like a shepherd; and He shall gather the lambs with His arm, and carry them in His bosom, and gently lead those that are with young. Come unto Him, all ye that labour, come unto Him that are heavy laden, and He will give you rest. Take his yoke upon you, and learn of Him, for He is meek and lowly of heart, and ye shall find rest unto your souls. His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. PART TWO Behold the Lamb of God, that taketh away the sin of the world. He was despised and rejected of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. He gave His back to the smiters, and His cheeks to them that plucked off His hair: He hid not His face from shame and spitting. Surely He hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows! He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon Him. (Isaiah 53: 4-5) And with His stripes we are healed. (Isaiah 53: 5) All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way. And the Lord hath laid on Him the iniquity of us all. (Isaiah 53: 6) All they that see Him laugh Him to scorn; they shoot out their lips, and shake their heads, saying: "He trusted in God that He would deliver Him; let Him deliver Him, if He delight in Him." (Psalm 22: 8) Thy rebuke hath broken His heart: He is full of heaviness. He looked for some to have pity on Him, but there was no man, neither found He any to comfort him. (Psalm 69: 20) Behold, and see if there be any sorrow like unto His sorrow. (Lamentations 1: 12) He was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgressions of Thy people was He stricken. (Isaiah 53: 8) But Thou didst not leave His soul in hell; nor didst Thou suffer Thy Holy One to see corruption. (Psalm 16: 10) Lift up your heads, O ye gates; and be ye lift up, ye everlasting doors; and the King of Glory shall come in. Who is this King of Glory? The Lord strong and mighty, The Lord mighty in battle. Lift up your heads, O ye gates; and be ye lift up, ye everlasting doors; and the King of Glory shall come in. Who is this King of Glory? The Lord of Hosts, He is the King of Glory. (Psalm 24: 7-10) Unto which of the angels said He at any time: "Thou art My Son, this day have I begotten Thee?"(Hebrews 1: 5) Let all the angels of God worship Him. (Hebrews 1: 6) Thou art gone up on high; Thou hast led captivity captive, and received gifts for men; yea, even from Thine enemies, that the Lord God might dwell among them. (Psalm 68: 18) The Lord gave the word; great was the company of the preachers. (Psalm 68: 11) How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things. (Isaiah 52: 7; Romans 10: 15) Their sound is gone out into all lands, and their words unto the ends of the world. (Romans 10: 18; Psalm 19: 4) Why do the nations so furiously rage together, and why do the people imagine a vain thing? The kings of the earth rise up, and the rulers take counsel together against the Lord, and against His anointed. (Psalm 2: 1-2) Let us break their bonds asunder, and cast away their yokes from us. (Psalm 2: 3) He that dwelleth in Heav'n shall laugh them to scorn; The Lord shall have them in derision. (Psalm 2: 4) Thou shalt break them with a rod of iron; thou shalt dash them in pieces like a potter's vessel. (Psalm 2: 9) Hallelujah: for the Lord God Omnipotent reigneth. (Revelation 19: 6) The kingdom of this world is become the kingdom of our Lord, and of His Christ; and He shall reign for ever and ever. King of Kings, and Lord of Lords. (Revelation 19: 16) Hallelujah! PART THREE I know that my Redeemer liveth, and that He shall stand at the latter day upon the earth. And though worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God. (Job 19: 25-26) For now is Christ risen from the dead, the first fruits of them that sleep. (I Corinthians 15: 20) Since by man came death, by man came also the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive. (I Corinthians 15: 21-22) Behold, I tell you a mystery; we shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. (I Corinthians 15: 51-52) The trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. For this corruptible must put on incorruption and this mortal must put on immortality. (I Corinthians 15: 52-53) Then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: "Death is swallowed up in victory." (I Corinthians 15: 54) O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. (I Corinthians 15: 55-56) But thanks be to God, who giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. (I Corinthians 15: 57) If God be for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8: 31) Who shall lay anything to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth, who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is at the right hand of God, who makes intercession for us. (Romans 8: 33-34) Worthy is the Lamb that was slain, and hath redeemed us to God by His blood, to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory, and blessing. Blessing and honour, glory and power, be unto Him that sitteth upon the throne, and unto the Lamb, for ever and ever. Amen.

Amac's T-Rob Comfort ye, comfort ye my fans, saith your Coach. Speak ye comfortably to Lawrence, and cry unto her, that her Championship is accomplished, that her upsets are pardoned. The voice of him that crieth in the Fieldhouse; prepare ye the way of the Forward; make straight in the desert a highway for our MVP. Ev'ry dunk shall be exalted, and ev'ry wildcat and tiger made low; the bricks swishes and the layups dunks. And the glory of theT-Rob shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together: for the mouth of the Coach hath spoken it. Thus saith the Lord, the Lord of Hoops: Yet once a little while and I will shake the backboard and the court, the rim and the basket. And I will shake all backboards; and the championship of the nation shall come. The Player, whom ye seek, shall suddenly come to Allen Fieldhouse, even the messenger of the scholarship, whom you delight in; behold, He shall dunk, saith the Lord of hoops. But who may abide the day of His dunking, and who shall stand when He ariseth? For He is like a refiner's fire. And He shall posterize the players of Haith, that they may offer unto Coach Self an offering in basketball. Behold, Brewster Academy shall conceive and bear a power forward, and shall call His name T-Rob, dunks be with him. O thou that tellest good tidings to Kansas, get thee up into the Fieldhouse. O thou that tellest good tidings to Lawrence, lift up thy voice with strength; lift it up, be not afraid; say unto the cities of Kansas, behold your star! Arise, cheer, for thy light is come, and the glory of Kansas is risen upon thee. For behold, darkness shall cover the earth, and gross darkness of Missouri ; but T-Rob shall dunk upon thee, and His glory shall be seen upon thee. And the Tigers shall flee to the SEC, and Jayhawks to the brightness of the Big 12. The people that walked in championships have seen a great light; and they that dwell in the land of the shadow of Manning, upon them hath the light shined. For unto us a star is starting, unto us a forward is given, and the team shall be upon His shoulder; and His name shall be called Dunkasaurus, All-American, the mighty T-Rob, the Nation’s Top Rebounder, the Prince of Dunks. There were rabid fans abiding in the fieldhouse, keeping watch over his dunks of might. And lo, Coach Self came upon them, and the glory of T-Rob shone round about them, and they were sore impressed. And Coach Self said unto them: "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all KU fans. For unto you is starting born this day in the Fieldhouse of Allen a Saviour, which is Thomas Robinson." And suddenly there was a Jayhawk, a multitude of KU fans, praising Kansas, and saying: "Glory to Kansas in the highest, and dunks on Mizzou, good playing as a team." Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Larryville; shout, O daughter of Lawrence! Behold, thy T-Rob cometh unto thee; He is the righteous rebounder, and He shall speak smack unto the heathen. Then shall the arms of Merv be opened, and the ears of the Tigers go deaf. Then shall the fans man leap as an hart, and the Rock Chalk chant shall sing. Tyshawn shall feed His big men like a shepherd; and T-Rob shall gather the rebounds with His arm, and outlet pass to his guards, and greatly lead a fast break. Pass unto Him, all ye that dribble, pass unto Him that are short, and He will give you dunks. Take his yoke upon you, and lean on Him, for He is strong and lowly of the post, and ye shall find wins unto your record. His dunks are easy, and His boards are tight. PART TWO Behold the Power Forward, that taketh away the balls from the rim. He was despised and fouled by opponents, a man of dunks and acquainted with the rim. He gave His back to the smiters, and His elbows to them that plucked at the ball: He hid not His face from shame and spitting. Surely He hath borne our team, and carried our offense! He was wounded for our turnoverss, He was bruised for our bricks; the chastisement of our poor play was upon Him. (Isaiah 53: 4-5) And with His dunks we are healed. (Isaiah 53: 5) All we like balls have gone astray; we have turn-overs in every game. And the Coach hath laid on the team the iniquity of us all. (Isaiah 53: 6) All they that guard Him fear Him to scorn; they shoot out their lips, and shake their heads, saying: "He trusted in Coach that He would play Him; let Him dunk on them, if He delight in Him." (Psalm 22: 8) Thy referees hath broken His heart: He is full of heaviness. He looked for some to have pity on Him, but there was no man, neither found He any to comfort him. (Psalm 69: 20) Behold, and see if there be any sorrow like unto His sorrow. (Lamentations 1: 12) He was cut off out of the court of the playing: for the fouls of Thy team was He stricken. (Isaiah 53: 8) But Coach didst not leave His star on the bench; nor didst Thou suffer Thy Dunking One to see the bench. (Psalm 16: 10) Lift up your heads, O ye fans; and be ye lift up, ye everlasting voices; and the King of Dunks shall come in. Who is this King of Dunks? T-Rob strong and mighty, T-Rob mighty in basketball. Lift up your heads, O ye fans; and be ye lift up, ye everlasting doors; and the King of Dunks shall jam it. Who is this King of Dunks? The Lord of Hoops, He is the King of Dunks. (Psalm 24: 7-10) Unto which of the players said Coach Self at any time: "Thou art Power Forward, this day have I started Thee?"(Hebrews 1: 5) Let all the fans of Kansas cheer Him. (Hebrews 1: 6) Thou art gone up on high; Thou hast blocked out, and rebounded balls for KU; yea, even from Thine enemies, that the team might dwell on offense. (Psalm 68: 18) The Coach gave the word; great was the play for a lob. (Psalm 68: 11) How beautiful are the feet of them that alley-oop, and bring great dunks and highlights. Their sound is gone out into all lands, and their words unto the ends of the conference. (Romans 10: 18; Psalm 19: 4) Why do the teams so furiously rage together, and why do the fans imagine a vain thing? The teams of the conference rise up, and the coaches take counsel together against Bill Self, and against His all-American. (Psalm 2: 1-2) Let us break their hopes asunder, and cast away their yokes from us. (Psalm 2: 3) He that dwelleth in Lawrence shall laugh them to scorn; T-Rob shall have them in derision. (Psalm 2: 4) T-Rob shalt break them with a vicious dunk; thou shalt dash them in pieces like a potter's vessel. (Psalm 2: 9) Hallelujah: for the Lord of Dunks makes it reigneth. (Revelation 19: 6) The Championship of this conference is become the Championship of the Nation, and T-Rob Player-of-the-Year, and He shall make it rain for ever and ever. King of Hoops, and Lord of Dunks. (Revelation 19: 16) Hallelujah! PART THREE I know that my T-Rob playeth, and that He shall start at the latter day of the Final Four. And though teams may score on his body, yet in March Madness hall I see victory. (Job 19: 25-26) For now is T-Rob risen from the floor, and first dunks on them that sleep. (I Corinthians 15: 20) Since by man came defense, by T-Rob came also the dunking on the defense. For as in Tyshawn come assists, also so from dunks shall T-Rob be made MVP. (I Corinthians 15: 21-22) Behold, I tell you a mystery; Amac shall not sleep, but shall stay awake til midnight, with no blinking of an eye, at the Final Four. (I Corinthians 15: 51-52) The buzzer shall sound, and the nets shall be cut down, and we shall be champions. For the ball must put on the floor and this dunk must be put through the rim. (I Corinthians 15: 52-53) Then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: "Kansas is swallowed up in victory." (I Corinthians 15: 54) O loss, where is thy sting? O MU, where is thy victory? The sting of loss is no more, and the strength of KU is dunking. (I Corinthians 15: 55-56) But thanks be to Coach Self, who giveth us the victory through our MVP Thomas Robinson. (I Corinthians 15: 57) If T-Rob be for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8: 31) Who dares call a charge of KU’s elect? It is KU that dunketh, who is he that defends? It isT-Rob who dunked, yea rather, that is risen again, who is at the top side of the rim, who makes it rain for us. (Romans 8: 33-34) Worthy is T-Rob who has dunked, and hath redeemed us to Kansas by His blood, to receive power, and riches, and an NBA contract and strength, and honour, and glory, and blessing. Blessing and honour, glory and power, be unto Him that dunketh above the rim, and unto the Jayhawks, for ever and ever. Amen.

Glimpses of Princes Part III

This Parade reminds me of the time KU won the championship and their triumphal return to Lawrence.

"Buckingham Palace has become the People's Palace" lol #thingsannouncerssay...Allen Fieldhouse is the People's Palace

I like all the capes

I bet Prince Bill is going to be late

Is the best man Prince Ted?

Is that Elton John on the Organ???

No dancing down the aisle? How do they ever hope to make this wedding a youtube sensation? The Royals are soo out of touch...

This doesn't sound like the King James version....

The Arch-Bishop could use some JustForMen

I think they based this on the Princess Bride.

I'm sure Elvis is looking down with pride.

I hope someone is repping a KU hat.

I'm surprised they got married on casualfriday.

I think i see SLUGGER in attendance! (for those non-sports fans, he is the mascot of the Kansas City Royals)

Sources say that Rev Joseph Lowery (of Obama's inauguration) will give the final benediction

The ending is kinda like the last scene of Star Wars: A New Hope....Prince Harry is kinda like Chewbacca

Glimpses of Princes

5:20--Woke up to the sound of trumpets in my head.

5:28--I've got a hankering for sausage #breakfast

5:32==There are some really tight shoulder epaulets at Westminster Abbey

5:40--Prince Chaz is on his way

5:43--It must be a special occassion--Camilla and Charles appear to have visited the dentist last week!

Prince Chaz has a weak handshake

There's just a wreck of pageantry!! Prince Chaz has 9 badges of merit! That's even more than Andrew WK!

The Crown Prince of Swaziland is here.

Here comes the Queeen! I hope she sings Bohemian Rhapsody at the reception.

I hope Prince Bill comes on a Royal Segway...that would show he's a 21st Century Prince.

The Queen kinda looks like the bumble bee lady from Blind Mellon No Rain video

There's even more pageantry than a miss america contest!

And it's Waitee Katiee! Soon to be Her Royal Waitress!

They have midget bridesmaids!! Oh wait, they're just kids.

More coming soon...

The Hunchback of Mantua--A Review Of Verdi's Rigoletto

Given my tendency to move every 6 months, I tend to lose things, but so far I've kept my mind (though others may disagree lol). For this reason, I think that memories make better gifts than objects, so for Christmas last year I arranged a trip to the New York Metropolitan Opera for @alison. Since I'm classy, we took the train and stayed at a hotel next to Madison Square Garden (where I thought they'd have a good farmers market on Saturday morning!)

The train ride was tight, but the hotel left a bit to be desired. But, we didn't spent much time at the hotel, since we had an Opera to attend! This was my first time at the Met, and I can confirm that the chandeliers (sp?) rule. They're huge, intricate, and provide just the right lighting. They're on my home wish list (though I'd rather have a big screen tv...hint hint). There's also good people watching at the Met, and the women wear so much fur that its like a trip to the Natural History Museum at the same time! That's what I call a New York value!

So we get to our seats, the chandeliers dim, and the subtitles appear on the screens (the libretto is Italian, obvi). Rigelleto gets off to an awesome start. The first scene is at a ball hosted by the Duke of Mantua--the scene kinda reminded me of an 80s night at a happenin' club, cause there were just a wreck of people wearing goofy outfits drinking, dancing, and generally having a good time. But then the Duke comes out, and I think he's a bit insecure, because all he talks about is how he woos every non-dude in his dukedom. His first song is Questa o Quella, which means "this chick or that, they're all the same to me, and I want them all". The other noblemen aren't too keen on the Duke's philandering, but they don't really do anything about it. Now, I didn't think the duke was a great dancer, so my advice to the noblemen would be to get onstage and boogie, but they didn't have any confidence, so they let the Duke woo their wives.

The noblemen resent the duke for his suaveness, so they don't take too kindly to the titular Rigoletto, who is the hunchbacked court jester. Rigeletto's job is to hang out at parties and be amusing (kinda like me, except much less suave and jovial, and more biting and bitter). Rigoletto provides amusing commentary on the Duke's succesful attempts to mack on the Countess of Monterone, much to the chagrin of the Count of Monterone. The Count tells Rigoletto to shut it, which prompts Rigeletto to make some "your mamma" style jokes at the Count's expense. Rigoletto then convinces the Duke to arrest the Count, prompting the count to put a curse of Rigoletto.

All this drama puts a damper on the party, so Rigoletto makes moves home. On his way, he gets kinda freaked out about this curse, but what'er you gonna do? On his way home he bumps into some assassin named Sparafucile, which is a tight name for an assassin. They chit chat for a while, and then Rigoletto finally gets home.

The town knows Rigoletto as a hunchbacked dwark jester with an acid tongue, but he's also a loving and protective father--so protective, in fact, that no one knows that he has a daughter Gilda. The story takes place in the 16th centure, before Mendel invented genetics, so Rigoletto's daughter is quite the babe. She and Rigoletto are quite close, as the mother died some time ago, but Rigoletto is pretty extreme and doesn't let Gilda leave, except to go to Church. Gilda is in her late teens, and she's getting pretty antsy to escape her house (keep in mind, this is before the internet, so there's really nothing to do).

So Gilda's only outlet is at Church, where she develops a crush on a "student", who is actually the Duke out cruising for chicks (apparently Church back then was like band class in a contemporary high school--the place to meet sheltered chicks). As we know, the Duke is a bit of a creeper, and hangs around outside Gilda's window (he doesn't know that she's Rigoletto's daughter). When he hears Gilda confessing to her nurse that she loves a student, the Duke rolls up to the window and says that he loves Gilda too. They sing about this for a while, which is a bit boring.

Meanwhile, Rigoletto has gone out for some errands, probably to get aspirin for his back or something. While he's out, some noblemen come to his house seeking payback for all the smacktalking Rigoletto does as court jester. They notice Gilda in the house, but they think she's Rigoletto's mistress. They want to kidnap her, but as they're preparing their latter to the window, Rigoletto comes back. This next part doesn't really make any sense to me, but they somehow convince Rigoletto that they're kindapping some annoying countess and want his help, but that for some reason he needs to put on a blindfold to do the job. This doesn't make a bit of sense (why would a blindfold help with the kidnapping), but Rigoletto is a dipass and puts on the blindfold--the noblemen then kidnap Gilda and take her to the Duke's house.

At first Gilda is scared that she's being kidnapped, but when they take her to the Duke's bachelor pad, it's like she won the lottery. She discovers that her crush is not a poor student, but actually the Duke, and she didn't even have to write him an embarrassing note or otherwise ask him out. Score! The Duke is pretty pleased too, because he gets to "hang out" with Gilda and he won't even need to go to Church and pretend to be a poor student anymore. Everyone's happy, except Rigoletto.

So Gilda and the Duke spend the night together, but in the morning Rigoletto has gotten wise to the situation and comes to the palace demanding his daughter. The Duke doesn't particularly feel like making her breakfast, so he lets Rigoletto reclaim Gilda. Rigoletto is rightous pissed, and takes Gilda and leaves town. On their way out, he runs into Sparafucile, who happens to own an inn on the road from the palace. Rigoletto knows that the Duke will probably be out galavanting that night, so he pays Sparacule to lure the Duke to the inn, and then kill him. Sparafucile agrees--apparently his sister is quite the looker, so he has her woo the Duke.

So Sparafucile's sister gets the Duke back to the Inn. Sparafucile is about to kill the Duke, but then he and his sister have a pow-wow. The sister fancies the Duke, and suggests that Sparafucile just kills the next person who comes to the inn, and pass that body off as the Duke. Sparafucile doesn't want to argue, so he says that if someone else comes by before midnight, then he'll just kill that person. Gilda overhears this conversation and, even though she knows the Duke is hooking up with someone else, she still fancies him. So, she decides to sacrifice herself for the Duke, and so she knocks on the door. Sparafucile and his sister kill Gilda.

Rigoletto comes back later to collect the body of the Duke. Sparafucile gives him a body in a bag, but Rigoletto wants to confirm that it is the Duke's body. He opens it up and sees that Sparafucile took his money to kill his daughter. Rigoletto then remembers the curse of the Count of Monterone.

This is one screwed up Opera, but I guess a lot of tragedy is pretty crazy. It's weird because it starts off pretty funny, with the Duke's hijinks, Rigoletto's smacktalking, all at the expense of some lame noblemen. But it turns really dark at the end. The music is pretty good too. Overall I give it a B+.